Too Good to be True

So there are a lot of things going on in my life, some ups and some downs. The key for me is staying positive no matter what.

I want to point out some ups before I prattle on the downs. My daughter is turning 12! What an amazing time we are having. She is blossoming in her new school, she is blossoming as a person, she is just rocking it from all directions. I have made 2 amazing female friends who I have come to cherish so dearly. I met them online through a mutual friend and sadly, they don’t live close. But we have morning chats and sometimes all day chats, and I love them to pieces. They came into my life at just the right time and I am so glad that we just click. I look forward to our chats, to our goofy-ness, to just plain day to day living as friends, although through the computer, and one day, I will meet them, and it will be amazing!!

This first part I posted to just friends elsewhere, well now I am ready for it to be out there. The second part I have mostly kept to myself, because I don’t like being a debbie-downer. But this is my life and what is going on, and the ultimate lesson is live. We have one life, we need to live it, no matter what good or bad may come, we have to own it.

Firstly, I had started to volunteer at our Church’s food pantry. First let me say, this is a Union Church, they don’t care that I believe in Energy or The New Testament (and think the old testament is really just fables). That is why I like it there. Don’t get on me about religion, I respect yours, respect mine and that isn’t the goal of why I am posting. The goal is to talk about the food pantry (and then my new house, we will get to that).

I volunteer, and it is crazy low, so I talk to my eldest sister, who I have NO CONTACT with, period, who works in mgmt at Walmart, to see if she can help our Church’s food pantry, because it is desperately low and dependant on the church members to fill. I got two gift cards, having them waive the 30 day waiting period, as a favor because she’s my sister, I buy the groceries, I go well over the $50 gift cards, spend a lot of my own money, which will be reimbursed, so it’s not a problem, submit the reimbursement form, (feeling chuffed that the pantry is full and has good backup so people in need can get what they need), and then I get endless emails of someone dealing with my reimbursement form who 1. cannot read receipts and 2. thinks that you can deposit a walmart gift card to a bank and 3. clearly shouldn’t be dealing with my form. I try and go out of my comfort zone and am dealing really well with the woman who is in charge of the food pantry and then person x steps in and is not qualified to be stepping in period.

Then last weekend I volunteered, brought in 4 bags of my own food, as I do every week and while I am upstairs running an errand, my “co-worker” let 3 woman clean out the food pantry. We give more food away than the well stocked food pantries. The church is “prideful” in the aspect they are proud they are self sustaining. Well guess what? You aren’t self sustaining when the main shopper spends $270 at one of the most over priced stores and doesn’t get the bang for the buck that I would at a cheaper store, and when only one person (me, the poor person) is donating.

The main shopper is the head of the food pantry. She (and a member of the board of trustees) decided to take out the announcement in the weekly pamphlet about the food pantry because people weren’t noticing. How is it up to them to play with people’s livelihoods?? Why aren’t you changing around the words, standing up and making announcements for people to donate?? You weren’t there watching a man living in a hotel not be able to leave with bread, peanut butter or jelly because the church thinks people should help themselves, uhm, no, not when people take advantage. But why listen to the multitude of ideas coming from someone who has been a member for 15+ years??

Oh also, I got reimbursed that week. The kicker? I just got an email from the head of the food pantry saying she had a reimbursement check for me….talk about not knowing how to run shit eh??

So I am walking away from the food pantry. When things don’t work, you change them. When someone is pleading it isn’t working, you change it…end of!! So I am walking away from the food pantry and the church. It just isn’t worth the heartache or the drama. I like my life drama free and keep it that way at all costs to keep my bubble of happiness always full.

Secondly, our “great new house”. Box elder bug swarms, the side entry way door never fixed so anything and everything crawls in, bathroom window broken, screens all broken. The “heat included”-duped! No warning that oh, your electric bill is going to double to run the blowers and exhaust etc for the furnace. Ants, in Vermont, in January!! Solution: buy ant cups. Are you fucking kidding me?? It took me 2 years to find this place and this guy seemed like a seriously legit, good guy. No, no thank you, if I lose my lease money so be it. You have made promises, you have fucked us over, I am sleeping on a mattress where the springs are poking through, my back has been out of commission for a week. I am poor, dead poor, and each month brings something new I have to sink money into. (let’s not forget I have a 20 year old student debt I have to keep deferring because I can’t pay it).

So, to sum it up. It’s okay to try new adventures, don’t ever hesitate to give it a go, that’s how we learn. Trial and error. But the past month especially has brought forth a lot of error. But here I am standing (well, with the back I am sitting, but you get it)…and I am ready to tackle on what is next, what great adventure I am going to find. Where is this road headed? I don’t know, but today is a good day, that is what I will focus on.